
“People are better persuaded by the reasons they themselves discover than by those which have come into the mind of others.”
–Blaise Pascal
I came across this quote during a class on mediation I am taking this semester. The goal of mediation it to help two parties who are in conflict come to a decision or solution on their own terms as opposed to having a third party make the decision for them. In other words, a mediator is there to help them discover information rather the tell them what they need to know. This got me thinking about how youth ministers and parents can become more of trail guides for teens and less of indoctrinators?
Again, this is an integral part of the adolescent process where students need to know that their choices matter. Discovery for a teen gives them and their lives meaning. You have heard the old adage, “You can lead a horse to water . . . but you can’t make them drink.” As we work with teens we do need to give them tools and opportunities to discover for themselves. Truth be told, I much prefer to tell teens what I think they need to hear rather than give them the freedom to discover truth for themselves . . . after all aren’t I the expert?(sarcasm)
I think this concept has several applications in the way we might do ministry:
- Let students have substantive opportunities to learn Truth for themselves: ALL of the best research out there* that is asking why young adults leave church or what keeps teens in the faith point to the fact of whether or not they had a safe environment to express doubt. Do our ministries provide sanctuary where teens are allowed to express doubt and differing opinions on faith, God’s existence, sex, social justice, poverty, homosexuality, and other dangerous topics? Another way of asking this question is to answer, “What are the topics that are ‘off limits’ in our church?”–Let’s talk about those. . . not to be controversial, but to give voice to those issues that are probably on the hearts and minds of our young people.
- Do students leave our teaching with more Answers or more Questions? I believe a good education gives you the tools to ask more and better questions rather than simply delivering the answer. ”The Bible says is, I believe it, That settles it.” Is an attitude we may need to depart from in order to give our students the space and ability to ask difficult questions of faith, religion, the Biblical text, and more. What kinds of tools are we giving our students that allow them to investigate and journey in their faith that will guide them to answers as opposed to spoon-feeding them with answers?
Can we say “I don’t know”? Is our own faith as leaders big enough to have the confidence to appropriately express our own doubts and still allow God to reign? Do we have to have an answer for everyquestion that comes up or can we simply say, “I don’t know.” I am not professing allegiance to a blind, uninformed faith. Rather, I think being able to say, “I don’t have every answer, but I am still searching” is far more authentic and communicates Truth better than a weakly formed, proof-texted apologetic. Look at Paul’s own struggles with doubt in Romans 7. Surely, if Paul is wrestling with these issues at the end of his ministry, surely we have the freedom (or necessity) to have our own doubts?
Those are just a few ideas…any others? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments section…
Community is the fertile soil in which we can experience grace. 
There is an excellent character in ABC’s sitcom, The Middle, her name is Sue Heck. The daughter is one of those students who is not good at anything. She fails miserably at everything she tries, but she does it with such JOY. Her parents are great in this as well. While they know that she is going to fail, they continue to support and protect her. They never say to her face that she is not created to model, swim, play chess, etc. They allow her to find that out for herself. In doing so, she does experience disappointment, but it is never the kind of disappointment that crushes her soul. No, for Sue, it would be damaging to her soul to never have tried out for swim team, a modeling career or cheer leading. Since her parents gave her the space to investigate such desires of her heart, to be able to see that these activities do not fit into the Image God gave her gives her satisfaction.
“. . .youth ministry can easily slide into the wing of the church that ushers kids into conventionality. In other words, youth ministry is doing a good job when kids act and look conventional (happily religious). It could be argued . . . that motivated parents to financially support a youth worker in their local congregation . . .they wanted someone with the expertise to make their kids conventionally religious kids (that showed this by being “good”). . . conventionality does NOT equal spiritual maturity, depth, or discipleship—that conventionality can itself be acidic. . . religious conventionality may be as much an enemy to young people encountering the act of God in Jesus Christ as R-rated movies and Jersey Shore.
Now I do need to say, she was a really nice girl, it just wasn’t a good match for how I was wired.
Chip Heath has experience serving as a youth ministry volunteer at the Campbell Church of Christ where he is an active member. Chip is the coauthor of the forthcoming book, Switch: How to Change Things when Change is Hard and the best-selling book, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die. He currently serves as a Professor of Organizational Behavior in the Stanford Graduate School of Business. His research examines why certain ideas – ranging from urban legends to folk medical cures, from Chicken Soup for the Soul stories to business strategy myths — survive and prosper in the social marketplace of ideas.